Why I don't like the phrase: "God's Call"

Before we applied to BFA I wondered if we needed to sense a very clear and spiritual call from God before moving ahead. Something more specific than having a long-held desire to live in Germany, the ability and passion for teaching, and our applications being accepted. Aren't missionaries supposed to have a "call"?! I envisioned that call as a moment I could point to...perhaps a prophetic word from someone during a church service, or an intense time of prayer where it became so clear that God wanted us in Germany.

But it never came. So we decided to move forward one step at a time. First we would apply; then we would raise support; then we would work on putting our lives in Colorado on hold. We prayed and sought guidance throughout the process, trusting that if God wanted to stop us, he certainly could. He never did, and now we find ourselves in Germany.

I don't want to put up a front with our supporters, friends, or people who read our blog by labeling our time here as "God's call" so that they feel good about giving. I don't want to guilt anyone into supporting us by implying that without their help we couldn't obey God and come to Germany and do his work. Because God doesn't actually need us to accomplish his work in Germany. He does, however, graciously let us participate, and because the missionaries here raise their own salaries, he lets so many others participate along with us. I can't tell you what a surprising blessing that has been. (More on that in an upcoming post.)

I do believe God led us here, and I believe we're living within his will. I know for sure that he made it possible for us to be here--too many things had to come together perfectly, and they did. But saying that God called us here feels like it implies that if we were still in Denver, working our old jobs, going to Fellowship church, that we would not be where he called us-that we would be outside his will. And I don't think that's true.

Just like God gave me a choice in marrying Jordan, (i.e. He didn't write it in the clouds.) he gave us a choice in coming to BFA. We could have stayed in Denver and served him there. We could have gone to India, or England, or China and served him there. Or maybe God called us to BFA because he already knew this is what we would choose. (Yikes, this is sounding dangerously close to my high school youth group discussions about predestination vs. freewill.) The point is, I believe God has called us to live and love the way Jesus did wherever we are. And yes, sometimes he does "write it in the clouds". We know he told Jonah to go to Ninevah, and I believe God does call some people that way-very clearly. I just don't believe every choice has a clear yes or no from God. I believe, more often than not he says, "You choose".

Jeremiah 29:11 messed me up a bit. At least my interpretation of it did. I still love the assurance it brings that God has good plans for his people, but for a long time I was so focused on his "plan" that I was distracted from God himself. I felt and acted as if God had the blueprints for my life hidden in a vault somewhere and it was my job to find them. So I made lists of pros and cons, I prayed, sometimes I even fasted. I hemmed and hawed. None of those things are bad-they are probably wise, but I did them with a spirit of fear. I was afraid I would make the wrong decision. Afraid I'd never know God's plan. Afraid I'd somehow miss it if I closed my eyes. And I think most of the time, God was right there smiling at me, saying, "Kate, what do you want to do?" (This obviously does not apply to a choice like, "God, should I do drugs or not?" but to choices that reflect a life living the way he's called us to live.)

 

Today I'm much less concerned with where God has called me than I am with how God has called me to live. Goodness, it's hard enough to let my life display patience, kindness and self-control without keeping one eye open all the time, watching for my "call".

So right now, that means that I am called to live and love like Jesus in Germany. Last year, I was called to do that in Denver. I believe that where I am and what I'm doing don't matter nearly as much as who I am doing it for and how I am doing it.